The Unethical Enneagram
When the Enneagram Gets Weaponized….
“And then the boss went around the room and told us how much he hated working with Threes.”
This came up in a recent session with a client. We met to talk about the Enneagram and his type. As a new hire at a company I’ve worked with for years, I’m privileged to meet everyone new and help them learn about the Enneagram, discover their type, and see how I can support them in their new roles and environments.
When I asked if he had used the Enneagram before, he said yes, but that it wasn’t a great experience. His boss had everyone take an online assessment (more on those later) and then, in a company-wide meeting, had everyone share their types. Then his boss said out loud which types he hated and didn’t want to work with, including my client’s type Three. Yikes.
Imagine the person who signs your paycheck telling everyone in your company he doesn’t like your type. What could this mean? It could mean he doesn’t like you, has already prejudged you and put you in a box, and this might lead others to do the same. It could mean my client’s reviews are biased and his work is subject to more scrutiny than others'. What other implications could this have for employees, coworkers, company culture, and morale? Nothing good, that’s for sure.
To say I was stunned would be an understatement. In all my years as an Enneagram coach, consultant, and teacher, I’d never heard such an outright weaponization of the Enneagram. Weaponization feels like a strong word, but in this context, it fits.
The Ethical Enneagram
The Enneagram is one of the most powerful tools for self-awareness, self-observation, growth, and understanding others. It’s been used in various forms since Ancient Greece and is one of the most efficient ways to learn about yourself and build a holistic understanding of others.
Our Enneagram types form in our younger years as we learn to navigate the world in the way that works best for us. Subconsciously, we begin to search for things that feel positive and work for us and avoid what we perceive as negative, challenging, or unhelpful. These motivational drivers then shape who we are, develop our personalities, and influence what we do, say, and feel; how we react; what patterns and habits we create; and more.
The Enneagram offers deep insights into ourselves that might otherwise take years to uncover, and it provides direct, actionable steps toward growth and personal development.
BUT, when it’s used unethically, it can be weaponized to stereotype, pigeonhole, shame, or judge others without getting to know them as human beings.
In my workshops, one of the first bases we cover is how to use the Enneagram ethically. My rules are:
Focus on your own type and your growth
Remember, we are more than our type
Don’t use it to excuse bad behavior
Don’t stereotype yourself or others
Avoid typing or guessing others’ types
Be curious, not critical - for yourself and others
These are critical to working ethically, safely, and compassionately with the Enneagram.
When we assume someone's type, or assign stereotypes or tropes to someone’s type, we create barriers to understanding them and ourselves. We pigeonhole them and put them in a box they don’t belong in. It can be easy to stereotype if we’re not consciously aware we’re doing it. So when you hear that voice in your head say, “All Eights are intimidating” or “Fours are too emotional.” Pause. This is your red flag. Take a mental step back, remember we are all more than our type, and get curious, not critical.
When we purposefully pigeonhole, stereotype, assume, or judge someone based purely on our biases around a type, we turn the Enneagram from a helpful tool into a harmful weapon.
Why stereotypes don’t work.
While each Enneagram type shares common motivational factors and some core characteristics, we respond to those motivations in dozens of ways. I can have ten people in a room, all the same Enneagram type, and experience and see ten different ways of being. People of the same type can look radically different from each other, even though they share the same motivational drives.
For example, the underlying emotional motivation for Type Six (my type) is fear. To mitigate or elevate fear, Sixes search for certainty, loyalty, and trust while avoiding the worst-case scenarios coming true.
But what I fear isn’t what other Sixes may fear. How I search for certainty and trust isn’t how other Sixes might search for those same things. And because we are unique individuals with varied lived experiences, we can share a core motivation and some characteristics, but that isn’t the whole of who we are.
So what does this mean about our types?
It means that we need to see each other and ourselves holistically while leaving our stereotypes and biases at the door. Our upbringings, generational norms, societal influences, personal self-awareness and development (or lack of), and our Enneagram subtypes all influence who we are and how we come across to others. We must take in the totality of each other to see and understand each other holistically, rather than assigning preconceived ideas, stereotypes, or biases based solely on type.
We are more than our type. Our type helps us understand who we are, what we do, think, and feel, but we have the power to grow, change, and evolve. And we need to give others the grace and capacity to do the same. But if we’ve already assigned them to a stereotype, we’ve lost the chance to know them, learn from them, and see them for who they are.
Getting Your Type Right
And guess what? My client wasn’t even a Three. Online assessments are typically terrible. They can’t ask follow-up questions, listen for nuance, or read body language. They are typically less than 40% accurate, and they can leave people feeling more confused and misunderstood. My client thought they were a Type Three because the assessment told them they were, but I start every new client interaction with a blank canvas. I get to know them, ask questions, pay attention to how they answer, and I stay curious.
So when I asked him a few questions, I didn’t see Type Three. So I asked a few more questions, shared some ideas, and they realized they weren’t a Three. They related to some elements of Three because their type was connected to Three, but it wasn’t the right fit. After 30 minutes, he knew he was a Nine. He felt seen and understood as a Nine and not stereotyped or judged. He left with a new understanding of himself, a few ideas to ponder, and patterns to notice. What a complete 180 from his first Enneagram interaction.
If you’ve had a negative experience with the Enneagram, or you want to learn more about avoiding stereotypes, schedule some time with me. If you want to learn more about yourself and your type, host a workshop or small-group session, or explore working with me, please schedule time to chat here.
